You may have a non-fictional pointy-haired boss who says stuff that he hears the big bosses say because he (or she) has no imagination, or maybe no grasp of the American version of English. As a public service, I’m here to help. If you have some more, please feel free to add them to the comments section at the bottom of this post.
Sense of Urgency
What they think it means – Employees get the stuff done that the bosses want before their boss asks for it.
What we think it means – Spend nights and weekends getting something done that will likely sit on the boss’s desk for several days before they even look at it (and then they will misunderstand it so badly they will ask us to re-write it several days after that).
What it should mean – The manager very specifically requests a task is completed, giving an exact deadline sometime in the near future, giving it a priority over all over work for that individual or team, and providing the resources required to get it done.
Weasel alert – If you are told, “You do not have a sense of urgency,” it is more likely that your boss has no sense… …of how to manage.
People Skills
What they think it means – Employees can motivate others to get the jobs done that the boss asks to be completed.
What we think it means – Employees can work with others as a team.
What it should mean – Employees can work with others as a team.
Weasel alert – If you are told, “You have no people skills,” it is more likely that your boss doesn’t like you but doesn’t have the cojones to come out and say it; or, you have better people skills than your boss but she is too dumb to figure that out; or, you may not have any people skills. The sad truth is that nearly all of us think we have them, but we ALL lack some interpersonal skills. Know thyself.
Outside the Box
What they think it means – [ed – most of them don’t know what the box is] Unconventional thinking that creates wealth and proof that the boss is an exceptional manager and should be promoted expeditiously.
What we think it means – they can’t think of anything imaginative so they expect us to bail their sorry butts out.
What it should mean – Semi-unconventional thinking that is acceptable to management but still passes as brilliant.
Weasel alert – Often a manager is looking for you to provide the outside the box thinking because they have no idea what to do. They are bereft of ideas and want you to do their thinking for them. Or it could be that they sincerely want your help. Not.
Path Forward
What they think it means – Future or future steps.
What we think it means – A pretentious way to talk about the future.
What it should mean – The direction you are going on a hike in the woods. This one has really got to go.
Weasel alert – Nothing says “I’m a dumbass robot” quite like “path forward”. Our civilization will end if 5th graders start using it.
Blocking and Tackling
What they think it means – The basics, often in terms of what is getting screwed up, as in, “We can’t even get the blocking and tackling right.”
What we think it means – The basics, often in terms of what is getting screwed up, as in, “Management wants the long bomb and they forget about just blocking and tackling.”
What it should mean – Blocking and tackling. You know, football. Morons using football terms in a non-football business are still morons.
Weasel alert – We once had a manager who routinely lamented the fact that things weren’t always perfect by using the phrase as noted under the “they think it means” sentence above. I loathed him for it. Still do, actually. If one bad thing happens, do not make it sound like we are completely incompetent, because, after all, you are our leader…
Action-Oriented
What they think it means – A person or group who looks to take positive action to achieve a positive result.
What we think it means – A person or group who takes action because they do not have the patience or wit to wait for a positive result, nor do they think about what the hell they are doing before they do it. See also micro-managers…
What it should mean – Someone who takes prudent action at the right time.
Weasel alert – The Great Guru once said, “Don’t just do something…Sit there!” This is not always true, of course, but I’ve noticed that the plant runs better on the weekends (when the managers aren’t there). It’s not coincidence…
I’m sure I’ve missed a bunch. If you have suggestions, leave a comment.
Sense of Urgency
What they think it means – Employees get the stuff done that the bosses want before their boss asks for it.
What we think it means – Spend nights and weekends getting something done that will likely sit on the boss’s desk for several days before they even look at it (and then they will misunderstand it so badly they will ask us to re-write it several days after that).
What it should mean – The manager very specifically requests a task is completed, giving an exact deadline sometime in the near future, giving it a priority over all over work for that individual or team, and providing the resources required to get it done.
Weasel alert – If you are told, “You do not have a sense of urgency,” it is more likely that your boss has no sense… …of how to manage.
People Skills
What they think it means – Employees can motivate others to get the jobs done that the boss asks to be completed.
What we think it means – Employees can work with others as a team.
What it should mean – Employees can work with others as a team.
Weasel alert – If you are told, “You have no people skills,” it is more likely that your boss doesn’t like you but doesn’t have the cojones to come out and say it; or, you have better people skills than your boss but she is too dumb to figure that out; or, you may not have any people skills. The sad truth is that nearly all of us think we have them, but we ALL lack some interpersonal skills. Know thyself.
Outside the Box
What they think it means – [ed – most of them don’t know what the box is] Unconventional thinking that creates wealth and proof that the boss is an exceptional manager and should be promoted expeditiously.
What we think it means – they can’t think of anything imaginative so they expect us to bail their sorry butts out.
What it should mean – Semi-unconventional thinking that is acceptable to management but still passes as brilliant.
Weasel alert – Often a manager is looking for you to provide the outside the box thinking because they have no idea what to do. They are bereft of ideas and want you to do their thinking for them. Or it could be that they sincerely want your help. Not.
Path Forward
What they think it means – Future or future steps.
What we think it means – A pretentious way to talk about the future.
What it should mean – The direction you are going on a hike in the woods. This one has really got to go.
Weasel alert – Nothing says “I’m a dumbass robot” quite like “path forward”. Our civilization will end if 5th graders start using it.
Blocking and Tackling
What they think it means – The basics, often in terms of what is getting screwed up, as in, “We can’t even get the blocking and tackling right.”
What we think it means – The basics, often in terms of what is getting screwed up, as in, “Management wants the long bomb and they forget about just blocking and tackling.”
What it should mean – Blocking and tackling. You know, football. Morons using football terms in a non-football business are still morons.
Weasel alert – We once had a manager who routinely lamented the fact that things weren’t always perfect by using the phrase as noted under the “they think it means” sentence above. I loathed him for it. Still do, actually. If one bad thing happens, do not make it sound like we are completely incompetent, because, after all, you are our leader…
Action-Oriented
What they think it means – A person or group who looks to take positive action to achieve a positive result.
What we think it means – A person or group who takes action because they do not have the patience or wit to wait for a positive result, nor do they think about what the hell they are doing before they do it. See also micro-managers…
What it should mean – Someone who takes prudent action at the right time.
Weasel alert – The Great Guru once said, “Don’t just do something…Sit there!” This is not always true, of course, but I’ve noticed that the plant runs better on the weekends (when the managers aren’t there). It’s not coincidence…
I’m sure I’ve missed a bunch. If you have suggestions, leave a comment.
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