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If you're gonna do something, try to do it right...


In which I can’t stop bitching about our EPC…

Maybe because I’ve always been on the owner’s side of the equation, I have an owner’s outlook on how a consulting engineer (or in this case an EPC) should perform.  It goes something like this:

Dude, I’m paying you to make my life easier.  If I had the time I would do it myself.  I can forgive the odd mistake or two because I am not perfect.  I’m not infinitely patient, though.  I’ll give you plenty of feedback along the way.  If your calculations show I need four bolts to hold something together, I want four bolts; not five, not six, not eight; four.  If I tell you I want the design done on Thursday, I don’t want it delivered on the following Wednesday, but if I’m being unreasonable I want to know about it.  Don’t blow me off.  If a vendor screws you over, tell me and then figure out what it will mean down the road.  I want all the documentation the vendor sends to you.  If you send me a four-page memo when a two-line email would suffice, understand that I will chew your butt because you are charging me for your time and I understand billable hours.  If you complain about me to my boss or anyone else in my organization, don’t expect your invoices to be signed this decade.  Treat me with decency and you will come back – if you piss me off keep your mouth shut when I call someone else next time. 

I’m trying very hard not to sound like a douchebag, but lousy service ticks me off.  Mediocre service is fine.  You don’t have to wine and dine me.  I don’t need your logo on a coffee mug.  I don’t mind paying my own greens fees.  Do your dam job and we’ll be great.

You’d think I’d have used up all my pent-up bile on two long posts earlier, but I was mostly pointing out that we caused our own problems by being idiots.  Our EPC took full advantage of the fact that we were idiots, and that’s why this sh_t is still stirring around in my brain.  In my world you don’t steal the hubcaps from the car broken down at the side of the road; you help change the tire.  Even then, you sure as hell don’t leave a bunch of lug nuts loose and then smile behind your hand when they drive off.  In the last six months I’ve found all kinds of things that a well-managed consulting engineering firm would have done right, but ours, for whatever reason, wouldn’t, couldn’t or didn’t.

If you do only one thing right, just one, get your documentation squared away.  For process industries, this means starting with process and instrumentation diagrams, or P&IDs.  Everything else flows from these.  There are standards for these; use them. 

In our case, we already had the PI&Ds fleshed out except for the nomenclatures (e.g. equipment numbering), but inexplicably we allowed the EPC to screw these up.  These are basic, and all it takes is the desire to do it right.  We didn’t have that desire, but neither did the EPC.  One of the major vendors provided all their drawings with the wrong numbering, and nobody bothered to fix it.  All it takes is someone with a red pen to review and edit.  It’s like the old story about anybody, somebody and nobody.  There’s no excuse.  Now someone who gives a rip has to do it, and that person is me.  And I rage at my former co-workers every time.  The bastids hung me out to dry.

I have no idea what documentation we requested because I wasn’t with the company at the time, but it only makes sense that we asked to receive all the vendor docs.  They were spotty for the first part of the plant and my predecessor screwed that all to hell, but he was a kid fresh out of school and the only reason he had the job was because his college roommate was the son of one of our VPs.  He definitely did not have OCD.

Obviously the EPC whiffed on the rest of the vendor docs.  I eventually found most of them in some boxes and bookshelves in the trailer they abandoned.  That there is some great customer service, yessiree Bob.

A wily project manager (well, actually, me) will tell you that a good start-up can help people forget all the sins that occurred during the project, and if you were our EPC you would have put in a good effort to make sure you leave the customer with a whiff of Chanel No.5.  Alas, the full litter box they left would not have made Coco very proud.  Not one interface (PLC to DCS and vice-versa) worked correctly.  An o-fer.  They said they checked motor rotations, and odds are they got half of them right without even trying (and they did!)(Please save your clapping until the end).  Once we got the interfaces squared up, we had to check all the instrumentation, since you don’t want a control valve opening when it should be closing.  We found some of these were bad months after start-up; the operators had been overriding the program because there was no other way to make it work. 

The fact that we did make it work is a reflection on the operators and process engineers, who cleaned out the Augean Stables, literally and figuratively.

The CEO remained a supporter of the EPC until a “supplemental” invoice showed up.  They won’t be back.

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